From Caterpillar to Butterfly

Many years ago I was taught that God can send little reminders to you through out the day in forms of anything.  I wasn't sure what this meant but went with it.  To some people this could be a word, an object or just a simply reminder.  It is in these sweet moments God is telling us that He is constantly there and aware of where we are.  

To me that reminder has been butterflies... My first encounter with this realization was after I went through a bad breakup.  One day I was sitting outside, enjoying the sunshine and reading a book called, "I've Never Been to Vegas but My Luggage Has" by Mandy Hale. In this book she shares about her mishaps, heartbreaks and flops and how we don't have to let those moments define us.  We must learn from those things and move on. There were a few chapters that stuck out to me and I could hear God speaking clearly to my heart.  As I sat and read that afternoon I came to chapter about letting go and having faith in what's to come and here across my lap flew a beautiful orange and brown butterfly.  I stopped and closed my eyes and thanked God for the amazing sweet reminder that he is always near.   

Fast forward to my adventure in Haiti.... Every day I see a butterfly while sitting at school, the pool or on my porch.  I love when my eye catches one and I can think of God and the sweet reminder it is to me.  This past week I thought it was really neat because I saw my first caterpillar.  

I was taken back by the vibrant colors and how it looked.  I am sure I have seen one before at the zoo but never had I walked outside and seen such a creature.  This sweet little yellow, green and red crawly critter represented a lot to me.  It showed me the full circle of life and how there are different stages that we go through. The stages of a caterpillar are interesting to me... it's interesting because this creature goes from crawling to a cocoon to a beautiful, flying insect.  Although we as individuals are not insects I still believe our cycle is similar.  We continue to grow physically, mentally and spiritually each day.  However when we change spiritually inside and have to have faith to take that flight out of the cocoon.  That cocoon is our safe zone, our home, our community that we feel safest in.   

For me that was to move to Haiti.  I love how God uses moments to change us and grow us into a beautiful butterfly.  I am thankful that I have begun my flight and learned to spread my wings.  My faith is being tested but I am reminded daily when I see a butterfly that He is with me and will never leave me.  I pray you see a butterfly today ad you are reminded that He is with you.   

Two Months In

Today marks two months since I arrived in Haiti.  These two months have been challenging, fun, different and life changing.  After coming to Haiti for 4 years I never thought I would say I live here.  I am beyond thankful for this opportunity and wouldn't change it for anything in the world.  

My journey here has been more than I can ever imagine.  I thought by now I would have cried cause I missed home or my family or been angry at God and wondered what the heck was I doing here. However it has been quite the opposite... God has shown me a lot about myself, taken me out of many comfort zones and given me sweet friends here to help on those not so good days.  I am thankful for FaceTime that allows me to talk to loved ones every week because with out that I would be missing home a lot more.  Each day as I go about my daily routine there are two things that continue to show me how amazing this journey is.  The first is my job as a teacher. Coming into this I didn't know what to expect since we were the "new teachers".  But I am constantly encouraged by the kiddos and there their love for life and learning.  Yes they have their moments but they have honestly taught me so much.  I love seeing their hearts and hearing their questions and comments about different subjects.  Along with teaching I am constantly in awe of the people of Haiti.  As I ride around on my moto each day I see things that continually make me think "wow" or "look at that".  At least 5 times I have seen men pulling metal type wagons full of lumber or metal on their backs in the road where cars are everywhere.  I am also taken back as I see children walking to and from everywhere most of the time alone.  It just makes me realize how fortunate we are in the States and how we protect our children, we nurture them and they have safe means to get and from.  

Yes I miss things from home as many of you have asked.  I miss my family and friends the most along with Mexican food.  But it's the little things I miss the most are the little things in life at home.  I miss hot water in the shower, Air conditioning, flushing my toilet paper, brushing my teeth with the sink water to name a few.  We always joke around and say "First World Problems" but it's the truth.  We don't realize what we have until it's not apart of our everyday life.  To me these things are now a bonus... I look forward to them but know that I can do anything in life. 

Our version of chips and queso= Haitian Happy Hour!

I look forward to the next 3 months ahead and how God is going to use those days to continue to break my heart.  My heart has been broken but it is a different type then the first time I came to Haiti. I pray He continues to use me and allows me to be a difference maker.  Love you all and thankful for your continued support and love.  

Hallie and I!

The Livesay Kiddos!  

Sweet new girl friends!

Two of my favorites.. Jess and Alison

I Surrender

This past Sunday I attended church with one of my new friends here, Jess. This particular church is an English speaking church where both Haitian and Americans go.  I wasn't sure what to expect but wanted to check it out.  I was a little nervous as anyone is visiting a church for the first time but I genuinely loved it.   It was Valentine's Day and the message was on Agape Love.  The pastor spoke on how God's love is vast, eternal, limitless, unending, redemptive, tender and unfathomable.  This message served as a great reminder to me and helped me remember to show the love of Christ through my actions and self.  

However I want to step back to the beginning of the service when I walked into church.  The worship band was already playing and if you know me you know I love to worship.  We found our seat and started to sing... Then I was taken back.  I looked up to see a Haitian worship team singing in english and then looked around me and saw multiple Haitian men and women worshipping in english.  You may be thinking, "yeah Page you are in Haiti so of course they were there" but that's not always the case.  I have never been to a church in Haiti with english speaking much less others singing in english.   My heart was overflowing for many different reasons but most of all the image of us being one body, worshipping the same God no matter the differences.  

As I stood there the third song they started to play was, " I Surrender" by Hillsong.  This is a song I have sang many times through different valleys but it meant so much more this time.  Here I am standing in Haiti, in a church singing out words that I want to proclaim in my life.

I surrender

I surrender

I want to know you more

I want to know you more

Like the rushing wind

Father breath within

Lord have your way

Lord have your way in me

At the end of the song I stopped, closed my eyes and was in awe of His mercies and the sweet reminder that He is that breath and wind to my life.  I was reminded that no matter where you come from, what you have or where you have been He is the same.

Father I'm here and my arms are stretched out to you. I surrender.  I can't control it all and can't continue to make it about me.  My heart is being changed and broken here in Haiti and you are showing me how to break down walls, break down comfort zones and be with you. You are the giver of life and I pray I can continue to surrender to you.  Lord have your way in me and continue to use me.

Learning to be a Reader!

If you know me, I wouldn't say, sit and be quite would be one of the ways you describe me. I am always on the go, helping others and just busy bee. I never have loved to sit down and read a book.  It has always been something I wanted to try like running (LOL) but never follow through. I buy a new book or two that look every interesting and say okay, this is it!  We all fail at different things in life but we must continue to push ourselves and try it again.  

So that is were I am with reading.... since coming to Haiti I have read 3 books and will started my 4th book today! Yes that 4 books in a 1 1/2 months.  I should start a reading club... Just kidding.  In Haiti things are different so I do have more time to myself to stop the electronics and other distractions.  I am learning to love books but I am not sure what kinds of books I like.  I have always been big on books that are applicable to my life. Such as How can I better myself or the world around me, Growing my relationship with Christ and other relationship type books.

Here are my recent reads:

#1- Believing Jesus by Lisa Harper: An amazing book that went through the Book of Acts while asking the important question, "Are you willing to Risk it all". I loved the challenge behind this along with her adventures in life that portrayed what it looked like in lie today.  

#2- The Singles Woman's Sassy Guide to Letting Go and Moving On by Mandy Hale: This book was recommended by a friend as a quick, awesome read.  So I decided to check this out since I love Mandy Hale's blog and other books she has written.  In this book she covered the five major areas of life that we often find ourselves needing to let go of: Relationships, Friendships, Jobs, Opportunities, and Grievances. She took each of the five areas then explained the Who, the What, the Why, the When, and the How. My favorite part of the book was at the end of each chapter, she reviewed the Five Fabulous Finds from that section which helped me with great "take always"

#3- For the Love by Jen Hatmaker:  This book is hands down the most authentic book I have read to date.  It is full of truth, wisdom and lots of laughs.  Jen talks about our joys, struggles, thrills, and heartbreaks related to people, beginning first with ourselves and then continuing with the people we are surrounded by.  She talks about how these people come from all different walks and can be the best and worst thing about the human life.

#4- Angry Conversations with God y Susan Isaacs:  This is the book I am currently reading.  This book was recommended by Mandy Hale on a list of books so I am pretty pumped.  I will let you know my thoughts once completed.

With that said I am open to hearing what you are reading or any suggestions you may have for me!

As always all is good here in Haiti.  I still feel blessed to be here and have been given this opportunity.  My purpose and perspective are changed and challenged daily.  I love it and I am thankful for the sacrifices made to get to a new place.  As for Haiti, there has been some Political stuff going on but nothing major.  The President stepped down last Sunday and Carnival was this past week.  So I would say the country has had a lot going on.  Please continue to pray for this place and these people.  

Love you all!

I Am Not Alone

As I woke up today I remembered there was something significant to me than just the start of a new month; it was one month since I left home... Wow it seems a lot longer than that.  As I started the day I realized how thankful I am to be here and then remembered a song I have had on repeat lately.  I have always been a fan of Kari Jobe's music but the song, "I Am Not Alone" has taken on a whole new meaning to me.  I first heard it on her "Majestic" album about 8 months ago and immediately fell in love with the song.  My time is Haiti has continuously taught me how to rely on Him and know that He has gone before me. I wanted to share the words to the chorus of the song.  She writes this:

I am not alone

I am not alone

You will go before me

You will never leave me

It is this phrase that I have constantly rested on, repeated and prayed about.  As I have mentioned before my comfort zone and other barriers are slowly being challenge.  I am learning to trust Him and have faith that no matter the outcome He is in it.  My God is bigger than a fear or worry I have about being here.  It amazes me to think that all this was part of His plan for me all along.  

Looking back and resting in Him... I have learned a number of things in the 4 weeks I have been in Haiti:

1) Not everything will go according to plan and that is okay.  Just live in the moment and make the best of it. 

2) "Live It Up"- As my sweet friend, Ryan taught me... We must live life to the fullest and have no regrets.  She was my definition of strength and I'm trying to be as strong as she was.  

3) Embrace the culture: This past week Hallie and I took our first moto ride which lead to 3 more this past weekend.  We are becoming pros but I am still not sold on them.  The first one was an adventure to say the least.  I was your typical American girl who hugged the drivers belly and didn't care at all.  I closed my eyes half the ride and just prayed we made it there safe.  

4) Community is important and has helped make the weekends a little easier.  We have met some other Americans who range from living here for years to being here for two weeks. It's encouraging to hear their stories and experiences here. (Again I am not Alone)

4) To be stronger it is okay to have struggles, challenges and take risks.  Each of these things and more add character to who you.  Faith in God isn't a walking he park but if you are willing to step out He will challenge you and make you into something stronger.

First Moto Ride!!!!

Some friends at th pool!

Isaac caught the turkey so why not take a picture!

I pray this next month is just as refreshing and rewarding as the first one.  Thank you for continuously praying for me and following my journal.  I pray that you would begin this new month with a new start.  His mercies are new each day!

Love you all!

Beautifully In Over my Head!

Today marks 3 weeks since I left home, today also marks one of the longest times I have been away from home....thank God for FaceTime!  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember hugging my mom, walking away and losing it.  Then walking into the airport hugging my dad, walking away and continue the tears.  At that moment I thought to myself what have I gotten myself into.  I tried hard in that moment to remember that I was stepping out of the boat and having faith but it was hard.  

Back track to October with me real quick...this is when I start the process of praying and figuring out if Haiti was where I needed to be.  A sweet of mine sent me the song below, "In Over My Head" by Bethel Music.  As I listened to the song my eyes teared up because these were the exact feelings I was having with myself and God.  The words hit home and continue to today as I am living out this new adventure.  I have always tried to control every aspect of my life but I knew in order have faith I had to allow God to tear down certain things.  I wasn't sure what God was doing in my heart but I vowed to myself to trust Him and be obedient.  I never once thought I accidentally stumbled across the Livesay's blog or post.  I was happy and content with life in Texas.  I had a job, a house, a car, family down the street, friends to distract and encourage me and many other things at my disposal.  However I was at place where I longed to know Him more and quench my thirst for more.  So after many alone times with God I knew none of things meant much to me because there was in fact more He wanted for me.  I knew I was blessed but I hadn't fully trusted God or stretched my faith outside of my bubble.  I wanted to be in over my head and know that he will help me.  After 21 days it is still a challenge for me but like the lyrics to the song... Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You, And all I wanted was just to be with You... I know in these still moments God is working in my heart and showing me what it means to get further and further away from the "shore".

I love when I find a song that relates to my story and where I am right now.  Please take time to listen to this song by Bethel Music and let these words soak in!  

http://youtu.be/6mAvt3CxEQM

"In Over my Head" By Bethel Music

I have come to this place in my life

I'm full but I've not satisfied

This longing to have more of You

And I can feel it my heart is convinced

I'm thirsty my soul can't be quenched

You already know this but still

Come and do whatever You want to

I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been

And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind

Would  you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in

Let love come teach me who You are again

Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You

And all I wanted was just to be with You

Come and do whatever You want to

And further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

And further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Then You crash over me and I've lost control but I'm free 

I'm going under, I'm in over my head

Then you crash over me, and that's where You want me to be

I'm going under, I'm in over my head

Whether I sink, whether I swim

It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head

Whether I sink, whether I swim

It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head

I'm Beautifully in over my head, I'm Beautifully in over my head

Typical Day

Days in Haiti are definitely different than days in Texas!  At home I would go, go, go and here I have learned to slow down... and by slow down I mean I still have a schedule but I am not constantly worrying about what's next or how will it get done.  It's awesome how God uses things to show you what matters the most and slow you down.  

Most of you have asked what a typical day looks like to me so I thought I would share that with you all!  Here is goes...

School starts at 9:00 AM so Hallie and I wake up around 8:00 AM...well I guess I should say between 6:00-6:30 AM when "ROKO" the rooster starts his morning routine.  School consists of Math, Typing, Geography, Reading, Science, English and Elective.  Each day we spend about 45 minutes doing each area and have time for fun as well.  These kiddos keep me laughing and up to date on the cool music!

The Livesay Bunch!

Once school is done for the day Hallie and I head back to our apartment and hangout.  Our evenings consist of a wide range of different things: reading, coloring, cooking, working out or watching Netflix. We have to be pretty flexible because sometimes we do not always have the best electricity.  The compound runs on a generator or city power during the day which means we can use our fans, charge phones and laptops and have numerous things on but at night sometimes we switch to battery power which means we have to conserve our usage so we don't drain the batteries.  It's been a learning experience but an easy one.

Our Patio workout set-up

Life in Haiti has been good... I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.  3 weeks have gone by and I miss my family and friends but I know I can do anything with prayer and faith.  God has showed up big time and is stretching me beyond boundaries. I love this quote from Mandy Hale that I saw this week and feel as though this is me for 2016.

As I wrap up this update I ask that you continue to pray for a few different things.  Please pray for the Livesay's, Hallie and myself as we continue to adapt to new schedules and new surrounds.   Also please pray for Haiti as whole, this country is special to my heart and has many different needs.