Today marks 3 weeks since I left home, today also marks one of the longest times I have been away from home....thank God for FaceTime! I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember hugging my mom, walking away and losing it. Then walking into the airport hugging my dad, walking away and continue the tears. At that moment I thought to myself what have I gotten myself into. I tried hard in that moment to remember that I was stepping out of the boat and having faith but it was hard.
Back track to October with me real quick...this is when I start the process of praying and figuring out if Haiti was where I needed to be. A sweet of mine sent me the song below, "In Over My Head" by Bethel Music. As I listened to the song my eyes teared up because these were the exact feelings I was having with myself and God. The words hit home and continue to today as I am living out this new adventure. I have always tried to control every aspect of my life but I knew in order have faith I had to allow God to tear down certain things. I wasn't sure what God was doing in my heart but I vowed to myself to trust Him and be obedient. I never once thought I accidentally stumbled across the Livesay's blog or post. I was happy and content with life in Texas. I had a job, a house, a car, family down the street, friends to distract and encourage me and many other things at my disposal. However I was at place where I longed to know Him more and quench my thirst for more. So after many alone times with God I knew none of things meant much to me because there was in fact more He wanted for me. I knew I was blessed but I hadn't fully trusted God or stretched my faith outside of my bubble. I wanted to be in over my head and know that he will help me. After 21 days it is still a challenge for me but like the lyrics to the song... Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You, And all I wanted was just to be with You... I know in these still moments God is working in my heart and showing me what it means to get further and further away from the "shore".
I love when I find a song that relates to my story and where I am right now. Please take time to listen to this song by Bethel Music and let these words soak in!
"In Over my Head" By Bethel Music
I have come to this place in my life
I'm full but I've not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
And I can feel it my heart is convinced
I'm thirsty my soul can't be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to
I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Then You crash over me and I've lost control but I'm free
I'm going under, I'm in over my head
Then you crash over me, and that's where You want me to be
I'm going under, I'm in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head
I'm Beautifully in over my head, I'm Beautifully in over my head
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