Batteries and Bugs!

After a Summer of talking about electricity and asking for donations I finally met my goal and was able to purchase new batteries. These batteries are like precious jewels to me.  Before I arrived on August 31, Troy installed them for me and got it all set up…. He is the best!  Living in Haiti teaches you never take electricity for granted.  We don’t have Reliant Energy or Gexa so heres how it works… You have EDH, which is electricity from the country.  It comes on when they feel like it.  There is no set schedule for this type of electricity.  Second you can have power through a generator.  Not all places have  a generator and they are expensive to run.  Here at Heartline we run a generator during the day so we are blessed to have power all day.  Lastly there is the Inverter, which is where the batteries come on.  The inverter comes on when the generator is off and there is no EDH.  Having batteries for this inverter allows me to have a fan on all night, lights to shower or read at night and not to mention my fridge can stay plugged in.

Why did I mention these batteries all Summer? Good question…When I left in June the batteries were completely shot. They were holding a charge for no longer than a few hours.  There were a few nights were it was cooler outside in the hammock so I would roll up like a cocoon so the mosquitos wouldn't get me and rest my eyes. I say rest cause who can really sleep with all the animal noises and the sunrise that happened about 4:45 AM.  With that said I am beyond thankful for my friends and family who have supported me with getting these four precious jewels.  

Besides learning about electricity and how to manage it… I believe God has a sense of humor and continuously shows me ways to grow even if they are silly.  I say silly because I have seen this come to light these last three weeks.  When it comes to bugs I would say I have a love/hate relationship.  I have never been afraid of them but I wouldn’t say they are my best friends.  Growing up in Girl Scouts we learned to deal with different critters and after owning a home for the last 10 years; I have had to battle some out on my own.  However being in Haiti has brought on a whole different relationships with bugs.  Mosquitoes and Geckos are a constant in my life and roaches are beginning to take a close second to Geckos.  I kill an average of one roach a night.  At first I would jump and do the girlie thing but now it’s become personal. I talk to them as if they can hear me, then begin to chase them or sneaky up slowly because they are the big flying ones.  Once they are in a good spot, they are toast.  Af I sit here and type this my suspect of the night just ran across the floor.  If roaches aren't enough last week I had the surprise of one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen up-close and in person.  It was like a baby tarantula.  It feel straight from the door frame as I opened the door and I just laughed.  As I chuckled I felt like this was just another little barrier God was breaking down to show me He’s got me and these little issues with power and bugs should be the least of my concerns. 

Happy Tuesday Friends and thanks for listening to my rant about batteries and bugs!  

Summer, School and Struggles... I'm still around!

Hey Y’all!!!  I’m still here and promise to be better at updating this thing…Well July and August came and went…. and just like that I am back in Haiti.  My trip home was a whirlwind with lots of Family, Friends, Fun and Food.  Most days were spent babysitting or housesitting so I could earn a little cash to use while at home.  I was blessed by lots of you and your willingness to offer a place stay, a car to drive, a fun getaway and sweet meals and hangouts.  It was in each of those interactions that I was reminded of “COMMUNITY” and how others are there to support me on this journey.  With that said I do want to say, my time home wasn’t all rainbows and roses every day.  There were times where reverse culture shock got the best of me.  I’m not sure anyone can prepare for the culture shock one will face when going home but I sure wish there was a little manual to read about it.  When I got home I tried really hard to suck it up until one day I just lost it.  However in that weak moment I took some time to process different things people had told me and warned me about.  It was in those moments I chose to cling to truth and process the raw emotion that came with it.  God showed me a lot about having FAITH (I will post more on this at a later date) and continues proves He is in this.

Enough about the Summer in Texas…. It is still “Summer” in Haiti, well weather wise it is.  It’s about an average 90’ degrees outside and it’s very dry.  If the sun isn’t out then it is raining which has been nice to some extent. School started last Monday and I couldn’t be more excited.  This year I have taken on the challenge of teaching the kids by myself.  We are 6 days in and so far so good.  God has set me up with some great mentors in Texas who helped me prepare for this coming year.  I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now… These kids are world changers.  They each bring something different to the table while challenging each other along with myself.  It’s been a blessing to walk with them and I pray God continues to use me in their lives.  

Keeping it real….Besides school the transition back to Haiti has not been the easiest for me.  I was eager to get here because there were books I needed to read and things I needed to find at the school house.  However let’s be honest once I got here it all hit like a ton of bricks.  Why am I back here?  What am I doing?  Is there where I am suppose to be?  As I started to unpack I got a voxer message from Tara and it made me laugh and cry.  She said, “Are you crying yet? Give yourself a few days to adjust and remember to give yourself permission to cry.”  Well thanks Tara for the reminder because that happened and has a few times.  It’s funny that in moments like that we try to have the hardshell, tough look like we have everything together.  Maybe I shouldn’t say we because clearly I can’t speak for you guys but I know for me I love to have it all together or seem like I do… however it’s in those silent moments I am reminded that deep down inside it’s okay to be scared, sad, or even have doubt what is going on. My prayer is that when I face those moments I will hear God’s truth and remember His faithfulness through it all.

Well I hope this gives you a little glimpse back into my life.  I promise to keep you updated and will work hard to keep it real.  

Missing Out and the Chatterbox

There are seasons in most people's life were we will miss out on different things.  Sometimes that can be early on as a child if you move around or if you choose to go to college out of town.  Other find this season later in life when they are busy with careers or general life adventures.  For me this season is now and it is weird.  I have never lived away from home and knew it would be different in some aspects.  However I see this season getting a little harder lately in two different areas.  

The first is missing out in Texas... As we entered May I knew there would be multiple things I would be missing out on.  It didn't hit me until Mother's Day about how many different things I would be missing.  I know sometimes in life we take things for granite but I do love making memories and being their to support loved ones with big celebrations. This weekend is my niece, Avery's first dance recital.  If you know me you know how much dance was apart of my life.  It kills me to know I am missing it but she has assured me of a few things:  1) We will watch the video when I return, 2) She is the best in her class (The picture of the text conversation is between her and I on my moms phone) and 3) She gets to wear lipstick!  She and her brother are my world!  I think one of the best things in this life is being an AUNT!

The second area is missing out in Haiti...  As I prepare to leave for the Summer I hate thinking of what I will miss out on here.  Just like my close friends in Texas these people have become my family here.  They have laughed with me, cried with me and even built me up at times.  I know they will carry on just fine with out me but the fear of missing out is still real.  I do find comfort that when I get back it will look a lot different from the first time I arrived here in January.  I will have those friends and the amazing Livesay family waiting for me with lots of stories and laughs.

With all that said and as I have been processing the last few days I am choosing to not let Satan run my chatterbox inside my head.  It's easy to give up and believe those lies like... I'm not a good enough Aunt because I am missing out or the lie of not being a good friend as my friends get married or have babies and I am not close to help.  As those false ideas chatter in my head I am choosing to believe that God has me where he wants me.  He is working in and through me.  No one said this would be easy but I do know this was all in His plan.  

Visit Home and My Future Plans

It's been a while since I wrote a blog so I thought I would just clue you in on life and what's been happening.  Life in Haiti is still Bon.  (That's GOOD in Kreyol). I am constantly amazed at how much God is teaching me here and the different ways he uses things to get my attention.  This time has been more than I could have ever imagined.  

A week and half ago I made my first trip back to the States since I left in January.  The day I landed marked 100 days since I had been gone.  It was a great trip but such a whirlwind.  It's funny how when you hit the ground in America you snap back into go mode. I loved getting to hug my family and friends and of course eat Chick-Fil-A.  The main reason for my trip home was to celebrate the wedding of one of my sweetest, dear friends Blair.  Blair and I have been in each other's life for over 16 years and I think of her as a sister. I loved being apart of the #dicksonduo and celebrating this new chapter in their lives.  Then just like that after 5 quick days oh and one flood day I was back to Haiti.

We have 6 weeks of school left and then we are on Summer Break!  It's fun to see how much these kiddos have grown since January.  They continually amaze me at their work ethic, creativity and love for each other.  I feel like I am constantly learning from them and for that I am blessed.  Being apart of their education and journey has taught me so much.  

In other news, I am sure many of you are wondering what I will do when I come home for the Summer and next year so with that said I will be coming back to HAITI!  I have decided to continue teaching in Haiti for September 2016- June 2017.  I am excited about the year ahead and look forward to new fun things.  I will be home this Summer for two full months so I will have plenty of time for family, friends and fun.  With that being said I wanted to leave you with a few prayer request or things to be sending me good vibes on: 

1). While home this Summer I will be able to make money to support my bills and expenses over those two months.

2). The support I need for the Fall and Spring in Haiti will start to fall into place and work out. 

3).  I will use my time wisely and prepare for the semester ahead with lesson plans and projects.  

Thanks for walking on this journey with me!

Called Me Higher

You have called me Higher

You have called me Deeper

And I'll go where You will lead me Lord

- Called Me Higher by All Sons and Daughters

One of my friends sent me this song by All Sons and Daughters about two weeks ago.  I am a huge fan of worship music but especially love songs that relate to the journey I am currently on.  I love how some songs relate to valleys, peaks and even prayer requests. The words to this song are exactly how I feel daily here in Haiti.  As I ride my moto around town, as I walk through the market and even as I walk the compound to work I am reminded that I have been called here.  Sometimes I laugh and think WHAT or HOW is He using me here but then I am reminded quickly.  Anyways... Back to the song, the truth is that we all find ourselves trying to control what we have.  Many times in all circumstances I know I choose to not have hope or choose to hold on to who I am because I am scared of what may happen.  But we must remember that He is the sustainer of life.  God's calling for our life is never more than we can handle.  After being in Haiti now for 3 months I know He will never call me higher, deeper or farther than I can go.  There is a purpose to everything we come across; good, bad and fun but we must choose to see Him in the light of it all.  Here is a link to the song for you to hear it.

Not everyday here has been roses... Some days I feel dirty, some days I want air conditioning and some days I want to just jump in my own car and drive to Chick-Fil-a.  But as I mentioned before the butterfly is a sweet reminder that it's okay to feel that way.  I have to remember God has me where he wants me and is working through me.  On Friday, I had one of those moments, I let the fear and stress take over my emotions.  I was trying to control the future and how it would all play out.  While I was walking around outside that afternoon I prayed that God would show me a sign, just a sign to ensure me He hadn't forgotten about me.  The afternoon went home and  took a nap.  When I got up to leave for a friends house I walked outside and this was on my porch.

The biggest butterfly I had seen while in Haiti and the most beautiful color yellow.  I laughed to myself and knew He was listening.  It was a sweet reminder I needed and I will cherish those cry out to Jesus moments.  

From Caterpillar to Butterfly

Many years ago I was taught that God can send little reminders to you through out the day in forms of anything.  I wasn't sure what this meant but went with it.  To some people this could be a word, an object or just a simply reminder.  It is in these sweet moments God is telling us that He is constantly there and aware of where we are.  

To me that reminder has been butterflies... My first encounter with this realization was after I went through a bad breakup.  One day I was sitting outside, enjoying the sunshine and reading a book called, "I've Never Been to Vegas but My Luggage Has" by Mandy Hale. In this book she shares about her mishaps, heartbreaks and flops and how we don't have to let those moments define us.  We must learn from those things and move on. There were a few chapters that stuck out to me and I could hear God speaking clearly to my heart.  As I sat and read that afternoon I came to chapter about letting go and having faith in what's to come and here across my lap flew a beautiful orange and brown butterfly.  I stopped and closed my eyes and thanked God for the amazing sweet reminder that he is always near.   

Fast forward to my adventure in Haiti.... Every day I see a butterfly while sitting at school, the pool or on my porch.  I love when my eye catches one and I can think of God and the sweet reminder it is to me.  This past week I thought it was really neat because I saw my first caterpillar.  

I was taken back by the vibrant colors and how it looked.  I am sure I have seen one before at the zoo but never had I walked outside and seen such a creature.  This sweet little yellow, green and red crawly critter represented a lot to me.  It showed me the full circle of life and how there are different stages that we go through. The stages of a caterpillar are interesting to me... it's interesting because this creature goes from crawling to a cocoon to a beautiful, flying insect.  Although we as individuals are not insects I still believe our cycle is similar.  We continue to grow physically, mentally and spiritually each day.  However when we change spiritually inside and have to have faith to take that flight out of the cocoon.  That cocoon is our safe zone, our home, our community that we feel safest in.   

For me that was to move to Haiti.  I love how God uses moments to change us and grow us into a beautiful butterfly.  I am thankful that I have begun my flight and learned to spread my wings.  My faith is being tested but I am reminded daily when I see a butterfly that He is with me and will never leave me.  I pray you see a butterfly today ad you are reminded that He is with you.   

Two Months In

Today marks two months since I arrived in Haiti.  These two months have been challenging, fun, different and life changing.  After coming to Haiti for 4 years I never thought I would say I live here.  I am beyond thankful for this opportunity and wouldn't change it for anything in the world.  

My journey here has been more than I can ever imagine.  I thought by now I would have cried cause I missed home or my family or been angry at God and wondered what the heck was I doing here. However it has been quite the opposite... God has shown me a lot about myself, taken me out of many comfort zones and given me sweet friends here to help on those not so good days.  I am thankful for FaceTime that allows me to talk to loved ones every week because with out that I would be missing home a lot more.  Each day as I go about my daily routine there are two things that continue to show me how amazing this journey is.  The first is my job as a teacher. Coming into this I didn't know what to expect since we were the "new teachers".  But I am constantly encouraged by the kiddos and there their love for life and learning.  Yes they have their moments but they have honestly taught me so much.  I love seeing their hearts and hearing their questions and comments about different subjects.  Along with teaching I am constantly in awe of the people of Haiti.  As I ride around on my moto each day I see things that continually make me think "wow" or "look at that".  At least 5 times I have seen men pulling metal type wagons full of lumber or metal on their backs in the road where cars are everywhere.  I am also taken back as I see children walking to and from everywhere most of the time alone.  It just makes me realize how fortunate we are in the States and how we protect our children, we nurture them and they have safe means to get and from.  

Yes I miss things from home as many of you have asked.  I miss my family and friends the most along with Mexican food.  But it's the little things I miss the most are the little things in life at home.  I miss hot water in the shower, Air conditioning, flushing my toilet paper, brushing my teeth with the sink water to name a few.  We always joke around and say "First World Problems" but it's the truth.  We don't realize what we have until it's not apart of our everyday life.  To me these things are now a bonus... I look forward to them but know that I can do anything in life. 

Our version of chips and queso= Haitian Happy Hour!

I look forward to the next 3 months ahead and how God is going to use those days to continue to break my heart.  My heart has been broken but it is a different type then the first time I came to Haiti. I pray He continues to use me and allows me to be a difference maker.  Love you all and thankful for your continued support and love.  

Hallie and I!

The Livesay Kiddos!  

Sweet new girl friends!

Two of my favorites.. Jess and Alison