2016... The year I learned to TRUST.

In 2013 a song came out called, Oceans by Hillsong. The moment I heard this song I fell in love with it like many others. The words, the truth and the proclamation behind this song was something I wanted to live out in my life. Throughout 2013- 2015 I often heard this song, sang it at church or saw quotes referring to it.  Those moments would ring truth, stir up my heart but I would continue to pray and ask God to do just what those words said… Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. The word in that line I held onto was TRUST.  I wanted to trust but always had a problem with it.  

Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. 

Take me deep then my feet could ever wonder 

And my faith would be made stronger 

In the presence of my Savior. 

Around May 2015 this song took on a new meaning in my life.  I was at church one Sunday singing the very same song, when I was brought to tears.  I knew I was able to love without borders but my heart yearned for those truths that I sang about to come true.  I wanted to trust Him fully even if it meant stepping out of the boat or onto an unfamiliar path.  Fast forward to November 2015 when I met Troy and Tara Livesay… I immediately fell in love with this family.  As I visited with both of them my heart felt free, open and called to go to Haiti.  As my move date to Haiti approached this song continued to show up and began to reach more depths of my heart. This next chapter was going to call me to trust without limits.  I was going to a third world country where things would be different.  So I begin praying and asking God to make these words truth.  

So I will call upon your name.  

Keep my eyes above the waves. 

My soul will rest in your embrace. 

I am Yours and you are mine. 

So after that long explanation that is what my 2016 has been about.  Each of those verses rings truth to me.  I never in a million years would have thought a little single Texas girl like me would have packed up and moved to Haiti.  But through it all God made this possible and without me trusting Him I wouldn’t still be there  So as I wrap up 2016 my heart is thankful. I am thankful for following a call that I never thought would be possible, I am thankful that through the good days and bad days my God is still with me, I am thankful that he has taken me deeper than I could have ever wandered and my spiritual walk has been made stronger.  My heart is also overwhelmed by my family and friends.  You all have prayed for me, supported me and loved me from afar.   A year ago many of you thought I would was crazy, many of you were scared for me and many of you rallied in prayer for me. My biggest blessing in Haiti are my job and my friends.  It is amazing to see how God has brought certain friends into my life there.  We are able to support and love each other while dealing with the "this is Haiti" lifestyle.  However, teaching Isaac, Hope, Noah, Phoebe and Lydia everyday has and continues to be amazing.  While I may be missing some of my favorite kiddos at home these 5 have taught me more than most of my adults friends.  We have had good days, bad days, sad days and over it days.  We have gone through traffic for 6 hours, trips to the beach, no power for nights and shared many fun meals.  Some of my most treasured memories and lessons from this year are from these adventures.  Each of these kids is a unique gift from God.  I love learning with them,  growing with them  and I am forever thankful God has called me here for this season.

With all that said…. When I started this blog over year ago I knew it would be a lot to keep up with but a great way to process my thoughts of being in Haiti.  I proofread every post about 10 times because I have never been the best writer but thanks for sticking with me and hearing how God continues to move and work in Haiti and through me.  I am not sure what adventures God will lead me through in 2017 but I am ready. Father thank you for bringing me to Haiti and letting me know what it means to be called out upon the water.  For this I am thankful. 

If you feel lead to continue to help me you can donate to my go fund me at the following link. 

https://www.gofundme.com/yf9rr6p6

Cancer Sucks

Cancer sucks…. there isn’t a nice way to put it.  I believe it has touched everyone in different ways and it continues to effect families and lives daily.  It surrounds us and some days I am just overcome by the hurt this thing “cancer” causes.  Over the last two months I have tried to put into words how much it hurts but I just haven’t found the right words.  However, today as I checked my Timehop I was given this sweet memory and the reminder to live in the dash.  So I thought I would share some of my thoughts with you sweet friends!

This is a picture from one year ago when we laid my sweet friend Ryan to rest.  This was a sweet day of remembering her and while getting to send her sweet messages.  While sitting there listening to the pastor talk I was taken back and reminded of something important.  He spoke of Ryan, the journey she had been on but then he said, “we must live life in the dash”.  The “dash” was the moments in between birth and death... we must live life, showed up for one another, serve one another, and the list goes on.  This “dash” was something I had heard before but I had never really reflected on it.  I immediately jumped in my mind to everything Ryan and I had done together… Dance, Girl Scouts, Crafting, Spring Break shopping trips, College and many other exciting things.  I wondered to myself were those memories she cherished like I did and was I a good friend to her.  As I continued to reflect I thought about her dash and everything that went into it.  She touched so many lives until the end and showed many just how life should be lived. 

Since that day I have continued to think of the dash and reflect on what mine would look like.  Will people know me for who I am? What will I do to portray the love of Christ to others?  How can I follow God’s plan for my life? All of those questions have taught me to live alittle differently.  The last two years of Ryan’s life were hard, she never took things seriously and lived it up as much as she could.  I watched her stand strong on some of her weakest days but she never once gave up.  She taught me what a true fighter looks like and how to have hope and faith beyond measure.  

Thanks Ryan for showing me how to live in the dash, have faith, hope and strength  I love you and miss you daily.  

First Meeting

A year ago today was a night that forever changed my life…. for the first time I was going to take risk.  All I knew is that God had prepared me for this day and given me the passion that drove me to where I was.   

It was on this day that I met Troy Livesay for an interview in The Woodlands, TX after work.  I embarked on this ride with a dear friend and was nervous the whole way.  I knew at the end of this dinner he would either think I was the right fit or not, he would call his wife Tara to discuss the options and then call me to let me know the answer.  I had met Tara via Skype three weeks earlier which helped put me at ease a little but an interview just sounds and makes everything official.                         

When we arrived I was a mess… my mind flooded with emotions, questions and the unknown.  Could I really move to a third world country?  What would it look like?  What will my family and friends think?  Would I make friends in Haiti?  and the list went on and on.  However as I sat with Troy and we talked while asking questions and sharing I felt complete PEACE. It was a weird feeling and it’s hard to explain but everything I had prayed for over the last month felt right in my heart. 

As we left I didn’t know what to expect.  I got in the car and my friend said “Well, what do you think?”  I just looked at her and said I don’t know.  I am so confused and I am not sure if he liked me or if I even made sense while I was talking.  The whole way home we talked about how this door had been opened for me, how God had prepared this specific opportunity for me and how God will provide in this situation.  

Sure enough around 10:00 PM, Troy called and offered me the job.  I knew that if he called and offered me the job that he would need answer that night, to help with other planning and things.  I proudly said YES and thanked him and Tara for the opportunity.  I hung up the phone and couldn’t believe it.  It was November 2nd and in 2 months I would be moving to Haiti to live full time and teach 5 adorable children.  

Here I am one year later, sitting my apartment, we just finished a full day of school, celebrated one of those adorable children's 10th birthdays and I am still as thankful as I was a year ago.  It may not seem like a big deal to most of you but for me, this was the first time for me to move away from Texas, much less, Houston.  Everything I had ever know was going to change, my parents would be down the street, I wouldn't be able to call up a friend for dinner or run to HEB or Target real quick to grab something.  However, I knew in my heart for the last two years God was changed me but I wanted the right door to open at the right time.  Boy did he do that. I have leaned so much on this journey.  I have learned more about myself, how to take risks, how to trust, how to have faith as small as a mustard seed and much more.  Troy, Tara and their awesome kiddos have loved me, laughed with me, taken care of me and challenged me.  My heart is forever thankful for them and I feel lucky to be serving them here in Haiti. 

Batteries and Bugs!

After a Summer of talking about electricity and asking for donations I finally met my goal and was able to purchase new batteries. These batteries are like precious jewels to me.  Before I arrived on August 31, Troy installed them for me and got it all set up…. He is the best!  Living in Haiti teaches you never take electricity for granted.  We don’t have Reliant Energy or Gexa so heres how it works… You have EDH, which is electricity from the country.  It comes on when they feel like it.  There is no set schedule for this type of electricity.  Second you can have power through a generator.  Not all places have  a generator and they are expensive to run.  Here at Heartline we run a generator during the day so we are blessed to have power all day.  Lastly there is the Inverter, which is where the batteries come on.  The inverter comes on when the generator is off and there is no EDH.  Having batteries for this inverter allows me to have a fan on all night, lights to shower or read at night and not to mention my fridge can stay plugged in.

Why did I mention these batteries all Summer? Good question…When I left in June the batteries were completely shot. They were holding a charge for no longer than a few hours.  There were a few nights were it was cooler outside in the hammock so I would roll up like a cocoon so the mosquitos wouldn't get me and rest my eyes. I say rest cause who can really sleep with all the animal noises and the sunrise that happened about 4:45 AM.  With that said I am beyond thankful for my friends and family who have supported me with getting these four precious jewels.  

Besides learning about electricity and how to manage it… I believe God has a sense of humor and continuously shows me ways to grow even if they are silly.  I say silly because I have seen this come to light these last three weeks.  When it comes to bugs I would say I have a love/hate relationship.  I have never been afraid of them but I wouldn’t say they are my best friends.  Growing up in Girl Scouts we learned to deal with different critters and after owning a home for the last 10 years; I have had to battle some out on my own.  However being in Haiti has brought on a whole different relationships with bugs.  Mosquitoes and Geckos are a constant in my life and roaches are beginning to take a close second to Geckos.  I kill an average of one roach a night.  At first I would jump and do the girlie thing but now it’s become personal. I talk to them as if they can hear me, then begin to chase them or sneaky up slowly because they are the big flying ones.  Once they are in a good spot, they are toast.  Af I sit here and type this my suspect of the night just ran across the floor.  If roaches aren't enough last week I had the surprise of one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen up-close and in person.  It was like a baby tarantula.  It feel straight from the door frame as I opened the door and I just laughed.  As I chuckled I felt like this was just another little barrier God was breaking down to show me He’s got me and these little issues with power and bugs should be the least of my concerns. 

Happy Tuesday Friends and thanks for listening to my rant about batteries and bugs!  

Summer, School and Struggles... I'm still around!

Hey Y’all!!!  I’m still here and promise to be better at updating this thing…Well July and August came and went…. and just like that I am back in Haiti.  My trip home was a whirlwind with lots of Family, Friends, Fun and Food.  Most days were spent babysitting or housesitting so I could earn a little cash to use while at home.  I was blessed by lots of you and your willingness to offer a place stay, a car to drive, a fun getaway and sweet meals and hangouts.  It was in each of those interactions that I was reminded of “COMMUNITY” and how others are there to support me on this journey.  With that said I do want to say, my time home wasn’t all rainbows and roses every day.  There were times where reverse culture shock got the best of me.  I’m not sure anyone can prepare for the culture shock one will face when going home but I sure wish there was a little manual to read about it.  When I got home I tried really hard to suck it up until one day I just lost it.  However in that weak moment I took some time to process different things people had told me and warned me about.  It was in those moments I chose to cling to truth and process the raw emotion that came with it.  God showed me a lot about having FAITH (I will post more on this at a later date) and continues proves He is in this.

Enough about the Summer in Texas…. It is still “Summer” in Haiti, well weather wise it is.  It’s about an average 90’ degrees outside and it’s very dry.  If the sun isn’t out then it is raining which has been nice to some extent. School started last Monday and I couldn’t be more excited.  This year I have taken on the challenge of teaching the kids by myself.  We are 6 days in and so far so good.  God has set me up with some great mentors in Texas who helped me prepare for this coming year.  I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now… These kids are world changers.  They each bring something different to the table while challenging each other along with myself.  It’s been a blessing to walk with them and I pray God continues to use me in their lives.  

Keeping it real….Besides school the transition back to Haiti has not been the easiest for me.  I was eager to get here because there were books I needed to read and things I needed to find at the school house.  However let’s be honest once I got here it all hit like a ton of bricks.  Why am I back here?  What am I doing?  Is there where I am suppose to be?  As I started to unpack I got a voxer message from Tara and it made me laugh and cry.  She said, “Are you crying yet? Give yourself a few days to adjust and remember to give yourself permission to cry.”  Well thanks Tara for the reminder because that happened and has a few times.  It’s funny that in moments like that we try to have the hardshell, tough look like we have everything together.  Maybe I shouldn’t say we because clearly I can’t speak for you guys but I know for me I love to have it all together or seem like I do… however it’s in those silent moments I am reminded that deep down inside it’s okay to be scared, sad, or even have doubt what is going on. My prayer is that when I face those moments I will hear God’s truth and remember His faithfulness through it all.

Well I hope this gives you a little glimpse back into my life.  I promise to keep you updated and will work hard to keep it real.  

Missing Out and the Chatterbox

There are seasons in most people's life were we will miss out on different things.  Sometimes that can be early on as a child if you move around or if you choose to go to college out of town.  Other find this season later in life when they are busy with careers or general life adventures.  For me this season is now and it is weird.  I have never lived away from home and knew it would be different in some aspects.  However I see this season getting a little harder lately in two different areas.  

The first is missing out in Texas... As we entered May I knew there would be multiple things I would be missing out on.  It didn't hit me until Mother's Day about how many different things I would be missing.  I know sometimes in life we take things for granite but I do love making memories and being their to support loved ones with big celebrations. This weekend is my niece, Avery's first dance recital.  If you know me you know how much dance was apart of my life.  It kills me to know I am missing it but she has assured me of a few things:  1) We will watch the video when I return, 2) She is the best in her class (The picture of the text conversation is between her and I on my moms phone) and 3) She gets to wear lipstick!  She and her brother are my world!  I think one of the best things in this life is being an AUNT!

The second area is missing out in Haiti...  As I prepare to leave for the Summer I hate thinking of what I will miss out on here.  Just like my close friends in Texas these people have become my family here.  They have laughed with me, cried with me and even built me up at times.  I know they will carry on just fine with out me but the fear of missing out is still real.  I do find comfort that when I get back it will look a lot different from the first time I arrived here in January.  I will have those friends and the amazing Livesay family waiting for me with lots of stories and laughs.

With all that said and as I have been processing the last few days I am choosing to not let Satan run my chatterbox inside my head.  It's easy to give up and believe those lies like... I'm not a good enough Aunt because I am missing out or the lie of not being a good friend as my friends get married or have babies and I am not close to help.  As those false ideas chatter in my head I am choosing to believe that God has me where he wants me.  He is working in and through me.  No one said this would be easy but I do know this was all in His plan.  

Visit Home and My Future Plans

It's been a while since I wrote a blog so I thought I would just clue you in on life and what's been happening.  Life in Haiti is still Bon.  (That's GOOD in Kreyol). I am constantly amazed at how much God is teaching me here and the different ways he uses things to get my attention.  This time has been more than I could have ever imagined.  

A week and half ago I made my first trip back to the States since I left in January.  The day I landed marked 100 days since I had been gone.  It was a great trip but such a whirlwind.  It's funny how when you hit the ground in America you snap back into go mode. I loved getting to hug my family and friends and of course eat Chick-Fil-A.  The main reason for my trip home was to celebrate the wedding of one of my sweetest, dear friends Blair.  Blair and I have been in each other's life for over 16 years and I think of her as a sister. I loved being apart of the #dicksonduo and celebrating this new chapter in their lives.  Then just like that after 5 quick days oh and one flood day I was back to Haiti.

We have 6 weeks of school left and then we are on Summer Break!  It's fun to see how much these kiddos have grown since January.  They continually amaze me at their work ethic, creativity and love for each other.  I feel like I am constantly learning from them and for that I am blessed.  Being apart of their education and journey has taught me so much.  

In other news, I am sure many of you are wondering what I will do when I come home for the Summer and next year so with that said I will be coming back to HAITI!  I have decided to continue teaching in Haiti for September 2016- June 2017.  I am excited about the year ahead and look forward to new fun things.  I will be home this Summer for two full months so I will have plenty of time for family, friends and fun.  With that being said I wanted to leave you with a few prayer request or things to be sending me good vibes on: 

1). While home this Summer I will be able to make money to support my bills and expenses over those two months.

2). The support I need for the Fall and Spring in Haiti will start to fall into place and work out. 

3).  I will use my time wisely and prepare for the semester ahead with lesson plans and projects.  

Thanks for walking on this journey with me!